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21 September 2016 @ 12:05 am
18:53 woggled mile and the worth of an hour...  
I have realized I fucking hate working out. I did some research about how I used to do the work-grad school-healthy living thing and realized that, uh, I just kinda did it. I did some planning, looked at my schedule, and penciled in what I could accomplish in the time I had. My old planners are littered with little calendars with nights crossed out. I think it worked, though, because I knew in advance what I could do, and it just needed to be done. And then energy beget more energy; I was never super stoked to go to a gym class. But challenging myself, seeing what my body was capable of, and to hear myself chanting like we did when I was in NJROTC helped to continue me moving forward.

I've highlighted a box three months in the future like I did in another planner. It'll be interesting to see if changes are occurring, the small changes to build up to an overall bigger one.

I've ran several times since my last entry. I continue to not enjoy it. But I have celebrated when I first broke 200 calories in a half hour. Today, I did a mile in 18:53, which is paltry compared to what I used to do, but again, a starting point. I pushed myself tonight, telling myself I could run longer than the refrain of a song.

I ran for two minutes at level 4. I was amazed I could do it. And then my lungs checked me, so I slowed the hell down.

I think the other thing is now that I've accepted I don't enjoy this stuff, it's easier to just DO it and get it over with. Every week, I sit down with a paper with the week on it, put in my commitments, then highlight where I could spend at least 30 minutes on the treadmill. This week, there's two blocks of time highlighted. I finished one tonight.

I've also realized that I can put things on hold and it's alright to put myself first. My father went into the hospital last week, and though I was given an update earlier in the day, I still came home, ran, showered, and then called my mother at 2300 like I said I would. An hour does not make any difference in the grand scheme of things, but that hour allowed me to burn over 200 calories and enjoy a shower, which is excellent self-care.

I've begun to toy around with the idea of spin classes. I think I'm going to do these in October; I've saved up enough money to buy an actual pass, and doing spin every Sunday morning at 1000 might be an excellent routine to get into. Plus, the first class is free, so I really can't argue with that.

It's the little things we used to do that I'm trying to remember how to do in order to do them again. We walked to the library, which we hadn't done in over two years. I've been woggling at night when I get home from work. I'll do a few blocks in the middle of my workday to clear the brain and get some errands done.

Maybe this is the piece of self-care we talk to our clients about, but I haven't implemented. Again, what's an hour in 24? What's an hour really worth when I'm just hazed on the couch waiting for the time to go to bed? What's an hour really worth in a book or in cleaning or in organization? I can surely spend that hour by burning some calories and bathing myself...

... we'll see how long this can progress forward.
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